Happy 21st Birthday Brother

Montana McLean ·

To celebrate your 21st birthday, we wandered to where the wifi is weak — to a place where there is no cell phone service — to a place where no drones are allowed — to a place where the environment is respected as self — to a campsite in Big Sur called Treebones, a 5 hour drive South from San Francisco. 

We went to Treebones because we needed to be close to you. You always had a call for the wild. After your first fling with Mt Sugarloaf in Arkansas, you dreamt of expanding further to meet more mountains. You dreamt of a community of people who care, really care, about the environment. You made that dream your reality when you earned acceptance into University of Colorado at Boulder. You worked hard, turning your passion into high grades, athletic achievements, and most importantly, human connections. 

Brother, we learned from you that the people around us are just as much a part of the environment as the trees, ocean, bugs, or sky. Environmental awareness means being a devoted steward of the nature we love so deeply, but it also means caring deeply about the humans with whom we interact, including ourselves.

We collected jade rocks from the beach to to add to your rock collection headstone next time we visit home. 

- Savy and Moni

Our camp site was literally off the map.

Our camp site was literally off the map.

Golfing for Gaines

Montana McLean ·

Frank Gaines

Proverbs 18:24

Montana McLean ·

Shout out to MUS Graduate Connor Truitt, for getting a timeless tattoo on Gaines' behalf. You've inspired the whole family with your bravery (that had to hurt), well thought out design (nice serif font), and bible reference. Thank you for bringing joy into our hearts and reminding us that he will be remembered. 

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24

Happy Golden Birthday Gaines!

Montana McLean ·

Gaines' 19th birthday just passed, it would have been his "golden birthday" where as he turned 19 on the 19th. We honored Gaines by reuniting in San Francisco, celebrating his birthday with a hike, board games, and crepes. We've started calling these times "2015 P.G. (post Gaines)."   

His friends in Memphis celebrated by adding his name to Lewis' cake, a friend of Gaines that shares his birthday.

Anna visited his gravesite, leaving a bright blue note (his favorite color). Other members of the family visited his grave too, leaving flowers and love.

"Never Lost to a Brother in a Fight"

Montana McLean ·

This poem was written by Gaines' mom, Mary Whitington, before Gaines passed away - as a tribute to his yearbook quote "Never lost to a Brother in a fight."

"never lost to a brother in a fight"

time cries for us both,

coming of age in your manhood.

claiming your book, your legacy.

 

my boy child,

it is easy to be your mother.

my sweetest destiny

reaching with supple cheeks,

clinging 

to my knee.

 

teaching each other

from finger grasp to firm hand.

time comes to pat you away,

soar little bird, fly.

our lips are bound forever

in years without kisses,

waiting for you to land.

 

owls follow wise in your lead.

a gentile man

looks down to thank me,

rough cheeked

and commanding,

a man of many brothers.

 

claiming all seasons

with your wishes,

today another seam was bound,

stitching time with our kisses.

DRAWING CONNECTIONS

Montana McLean ·

Be humble, for you are made of earth.
Be noble, for you are made of stars.

Why is this article appealing? Not because we are astrology sign fanatics, but because of the specific signs the article references and symbolism of the owl above. Savannah is a Gemini, Montana is a Scorpio, and the cover drawing is of an Owl (Gaines' Highschool Mascot).

After someone close to you passes away, you actively look for signs they are reaching out. True, it's easier to see things you're looking for than things you are not looking for, but all the same it's worth sharing what we do see now that Gaines has passed.

The complete article may be found here, take it or leave it:

"Gemini new moon with Scorpio on it's arm"

A PRAYER FOR GAINES & HIS FRIENDS

Montana McLean ·

 

A prayer read at Gaines' cemetary with his dearest friends attending.

Dearest Jesus, who wept at the death of Gaines and taught that they who mourn shall be comforted, grant us the comfort of your presence in our loss. Send Your Holy Spirit to direct us lest we make hasty or foolish decisions. Send Your Spirit to give us courage  lest through fear we recoil from living. Send Your Spirit to bring us your peace  lest bitterness, false guilt, or regret take root in our hearts. Lord, look upon us with eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon us, may Your life-giving powers flow into every cell of our bodies and into the depths of our souls, cleansing, purifying, restoring us to wholeness and strength for service in Your Kingdom.

O God, by Whose mercy the faithful departed find rest, send Your holy angel to watch over this grave, of our friend forever, who was selfless in living, and brave in death, Frank Gaines Whitington Jr. rest in peace, through Christ our Lord.

Amen

written by Frank, the father of Gaines.

"TO THE MURDERER OF MY SON"

Montana McLean ·

"To the murderer of my son, did you know?"

Did you know that when he was a boy we called him “little Napoleon” because he walked around and slept with his right hand over his heart and under his shirt? Similar to Napoleon Bonaparte, and many other portraits of famous men, Now my daughters think it was prophetic.

Did you know this blonde-haired blue-eyed beautiful boy received a golden retriever from Santa when he was six and he named him Lightening? That his second dog Fannie Mae, a bloodhound, howled and cried for a fortnight when her master did not come home?

Did you know one of his favorite places was Heber Springs and he wrote a beautiful college essay relating personal experiences he had there and that he was fly fishing on Greers Ferry Lake the week before?

Did you know he was a gold standard athlete and when he was twelve he hit a home run for his father on Father’s Day?

Did you know he prayed in Rome and after saying our blessing before meals we would have to wait for him to finish his extra prayer for the souls of the faithfully departed. Did you know he celebrated his tenth Birthday at Disneyland Paris, threw coins in all the fountains, climbed the Eiffel tower and Notre Dame? That he stood under the Arc de Triomphe watching the tour de France, Sat on his 1996 vintage step at a cave in Champagne, walked Pompeii and Paestum, floated the canals of Venice? He swam in the Atlantic, Pacific, Gulf of Mexico. He bathed in the Mediterranean, the Adriatic, and the Tyrrhenian Sea.
Did you know he loved to visit his two sisters in California and was headed to school in mountains of Colorado?

Did you know of the countless stories of his selfless acts for others? They called him their Gatsby but he never stole another’s thunder. That he let a younger friend play his football position when the boy’s father was in the hospital. That he helped an older boy with no father and a sick mother making sure he had a Christmas and that he knew white people do care. Did you know he was a leader and gentleman that wrote poetry, short stories, and speeches for others? Did you know many claimed him to be their best friend? Did you know I called him my Gainey man?

Do you know you stole his promise? Do you know about the hole this leaves in his family’s hearts? Do you know you stole his life? Do you know his memory lives strong in so many?
Did you think about the sanctity of life? Of what now will never be?

Did you know that of course he was not perfect, not free of sin but that his consciousness flows free and yours will dwindle away? Did you know his consciousness was too big for his body. Did you know I hope you find redemption before the debt eats you away...Tewari, Tiwari means versed in three vedas which you are not, but your darkness has shone light upon my path... Humans be mindful of your actions!

Did you know you just add to the questions of the human condition, morals, ethics, humanity, culture, society. The question of devolving intelligence, public education, poverty, poverty of mind, mental health and control of the criminal element in a failing criminal justice system. Local government failure with two competing departments, incompetence, lack of communication, lack of education and training, and an overwhelmed disrespected force. Multiply this from street to street, city to city, to our national war machine government out of control. The great question of the American experiment and its coming failure weighs heavier on me now, for all I can see is the coming fall of our Rome.

Do you know I know there will be no earthly justice. Your defense attorney will plea bargain for you, the young repeat offender, and you will be back on mean streets. Do you know I want to tell others this can happen to them and I am scared for those that must stay and function in this city? That his family had many struggles just like yours but we overcame and did not succumb. That I have parented many children and that I wish I could have affected you.

Did you know the church was overflowing with mourners being turned away? That the Bishop and ten priests including his uncle presided.That Monsignor spoke of the many tragic young losses our community has had in 2015 and eloquently let the young people know the importance of being prepared. Did you know that his football team wore their red jerseys? That his closest friends had to be pallbearers? That two weeks before he had given them all engraved brass compasses for graduation? Did you know young men had to find voices to sing ‘Yesterday’ acapella in front of his body laid out in his time capsule?

Did you know of his healthy ego, his devil may care attitude that made him a leader? He was the little prince teaching adults, too. Did you know his core group of friends were angry with one in the group and started ostracizing him so he had a roast of this friend and through his actions they came together again. He took care of his things and his people!

Did you know his sisters had to eulogize him? That the love we shared with him very few achieve and experience. Did you know his girlfriend and long time friends eulogized him, read enduring letters from teachers and from men of great standing for him? That his coach spoke of his gallant little victories? Did you know a neighbor from his old neighborhood shared his recent encounter impressed by a young man that reintroduced himself and spoke to him respectfully.

Did you know his friends gathered in a celebration of his life with a candlelight vigil? Did you know they decorated his parking spot on campus and took to social media with pictures ‪#‎flyhighgaines‬? Did you know his sister drew a large Nautilus on canvas and everyone left a memory of him in each chamber? Did you know Gaines left a beautiful memory and in his brief 18 years 10 months and 10 days. He lived large, loved hard, and left a huge impact on this world and he will lead us into the unknown as he lead us in life.

Did you know he loved nature and felt a strong pull to environmental issues? Did you know we hope to memorialize him with Gaines’ Greenhouse a teaching greenhouse and have his poem DRIP written in stone?

by Mary Whitington, mother of Frank Gaines Whitington

 

"ULTRAMINE" POEM by Gaines' Mom

Montana McLean ·

ultramarine

you are now beyond the sea,
through the accordion of ultramarine.

in the looking back mirror of knowledge,
mesmerized by your strikingly blue gaze,

go on being blue in the ice, water, flame, and flower.
through the mirage of ultramarine,

emanations of light search the ten chambers 
beyond profound stillness. forever deep in your pure iris

pursuing you through the eternal now desirous,
our sweet capsule of time is carved in lapis lazuli.

bloom blue flower beyond the flame,
through the accordion of ultramarine.

by Mary Whitington, mother of Frank Gaines Whitington

Obituary

Montana McLean ·

Published in The Commercial Appeal on June 4, 2015

Frank Gaines Whitington, Jr. 18, who was full of love, laughter, and life was born on 19 July 1996 in Memphis, TN. to Frank G. and Mary T. Hood Whitington.  Gaines passed away on 29 May 2015 less than two weeks after graduating from Memphis University School. Gaines attended St. Dominic School for boys until sixth grade. He had an extremely promising future with plans to attend University of Colorado Boulder in the fall. Gaines’ life was beautiful,  affecting many as a leader, mentor, and friend. A meticulous writer with many interests and a man for all seasons, he was the poetry editor for MUSE and a varsity starter on the Owl’s football team. Gaines had a strong athletic experience running track, baseball, and wrestling over his six years at MUS. This devastating loss to his family, friends, and society leaves a hole in many hearts including teachers, coaches, and the many that helped to mold this fine young man. The outpouring of beautiful memories and recounting of upstanding acts from this true gentleman and good citizen are serving his spirit well and providing healing comfort. F. Gaines Whitington leaves behind his parents and two sisters, Montana McLean Whitington and Savannah Brynne Ryan Whitington both of San Francisco, CA. his Loving grandparents, Carl Odom Hood and Emma Rena McLean Hood of Pleasant Hill, MS. his loving grandmother, Martha Gene Gaines Whitington and grandfather, Dr. Gene Luther Whitington both of Memphis, his Uncles Fr. Carl Jude Hood, Anthony ‘Tony’ Joseph (Beverly) Hood, Vincent Thomas (Kristen) Hood, Patrick Christopher Hood, his Aunts Jean Mercer (Breen) Bland, Peggy (Wayne) Reynolds of Charlotte, Deborah W. Demott many cousins and a very large extended family. We must  include Michael Joseph Prince a brother friend and his confirmation sponsor and his precious girlfriend Anna Elise Fox Apollonio. There will be a visitation at 11am Friday morning 5 June 2015 followed by a 1:30 pm Funeral at St. Louis Catholic Church, 203 S. White Station Road. He will be interred at Elmwood Cemetery. In lieu of flowers please send memorials in his name to Memphis University School, 6191 Park Avenue, Memphis TN 38119 or online at musowls.org.   

Guest Book

June 18, 2015 The Walker family remembers Gaines from when we babysat him, Montana and Savannah when they were young. Such a cute little boy who was loved by his mom, dad, and sisters. We are so sorry to hear of this tragedy and know your hearts, souls and life is just broken. May God give you peace in this darkest of times.

June 05, 2015 So sorry for your loss! May God give you comfort. Shirley Johnson & family.

June 05, 2015 Rest in peace, sweet boy. Anonymous.

June 05, 2015 Frank and Mary, Montana, Savannah, We are so sorry for your loss. Please know that our prayers are with you in this difficult time. - Art and Dana Miller, Germantown, Tennessee

June 04, 2015 May God wrap you in his arms and hold you tight! Andre Samson, Collierville, Tennessee.

June 04, 2015 Frank, Mary and all of your family...I am heartbroken for you and realize no words could bring you any comfort now. I pray that you will all hold on to each other to make it through... Terri Mauldin-O'Connor, Collierville, Tennessee

June 04, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss! Prayers to your family! Ross was a classmate of Gaines and will miss him very much!!

Twitter #flyhighgaines

Montana McLean ·